Anxiety is my weakness, at any type of stress or hard times i go through.. my anxiety is through the roof. Anyways.. about 2 weeks ago my boyfriend's baby was born, & no I'm not the mother. We've been together going on 8 months now & i've known about this girl being pregnant for like 6 months. Yeah, I accepted it & stayed with him but I never though it would be this hard. The day the baby was born I just wanted to cry & cry . . It's hard when somebody you love so much is having a baby with another person. Lets make this story a little more interesting . . About 10 months ago i was pregnant myself, but it turned out that I have a birth defect witch makes it very hard for me to have kids.. I lost my baby at four months. That must have been the hardest thing I've had to go through in the 19 years that I've been living. I didn't know if it was gonna be a boy or a girl, but for some reason I knew in my heart it was a boy.. I was gonna name him Jayden Deshawn Cooper.. I was so excited to finally be a mom.. & when I lost the baby my heart broke.. I wasn't myself for months! And still to this day, I cry about it. Well, the baby that my boyfriend just had, his name is Jayden & that makes everything just a little bit harder to deal with. I dont really know how to act because here I am supposed to be accepting the situation & the baby but as soon as somebody talks about it or I see pictures I just shut down & get in this funky mood. I have all these emotions running through my head. I'm sad, mad, confused, jealous, hurt, & I envy the girl. She has a man who actually wants to be in the baby's life & she wants nothing to do with him. IS SHE STUPID?? Do you know how many women wished they had a guy who wanted to be in his kids lives? Shit doesn't make sense, and she just took advantage of having her son.. like, if you knew you didnt want the father around & you knew you weren't ready why have the baby? I feel like she just used him to get pregnant.. Idk.. But on top of everything thats going on.. A day after this baby was born, my boyfriends OTHER babys mom shows up to the hospital, brings her daughter that she has with my boyfriend & visits this girl & her baby.. BEFORE MY BOYFRIEND GOT TO SEE HIS OWN SON. How fucking selfish can you be? These girls seriously have issues.. What would make you wanna keep your child from seeing their father? Ugh. Anyways.. I know i can't just leave because I love him with all my heart & I told him I accepted the situation a long time ago but this is killing me.. Maybe i just need to get away for a while.. who knows.. I just hope all this drama is over soon because every day im just stressed out to the max. smh...
No comments:
Post a Comment